Being sober makes you deal with demons you did not know you had or those you kept ignoring. On a night in 2019 i looked down to my wrist and a knife at this point i have not slept for 4 days, i was so tired i just wanted off the ride…  Tired of everything. Everything. 
Something said "go to bed" and so i turned around grabbed a beer and drank it in a few minutes… I went to bed… This repeats it self a few times thru out two weeks. 

I sat down in my work station and realized what was happening, I panicked so busy like it was nothing i stopped drinking. I was afraid to turn into my birth father ever so much more afraid of what may happen if i did not stop. 
Week 1 thru Week 10 was absolutely terrible o was craving it and felt the need instead I'll read, take a bath or work..
Weeks passed and 100 days later i noted i did not need it but still thought of it, but then the demons came fast & hard. Days crying and beating my self for failed friendships, relationships, parenting and work choices, conversation from years or weeks before. Anxiety attacks non stop going into 170 days about everything and detached from my friends and family. I have been quiet about it to people and not discussing much but after a few friends break ups i was so done with the need of friends. 200 days in having to deal with my mothers cancer evolving and moving to something worse… I wanted to drink.. I needed comfort from somewhere my vices were gone and so i sat and created, cried alot in the shower like any grown adult. Thru this time i also realized i was inside and out that i always knew but i never put the name to it. I was non binary i was happy but also i just exploded with the news… I was over being cute and quiet…. From day 200 to 250 where i am now i realized being sober means dealing with your feelings, not escaping them nor avoiding them. 
From failure to success everything was 150% more intense! How? Why? I still don't know and don't think i will. 
I did not travel much this year am also growing in business that it self has been alot to much but i wanted this… So now in this moment o tell you am all here and awake… Not drinking has made me raw but awake aware and available to deal with my past and present to come thru a better me tomorrow. 
Evolving yourself is no easy work, getting to know you is not easy is hell honestly getting over pain and trauma has been there has been stupid hard but I'm getting there. 
I hope to make it longer then a year work out alcahol or medication. Yes no depression or anxiety meds this is key for me, i gave myself the challenge and abilities to grow on a very hard level and am happy i did… 

My healing started with this and it will continue with other things like outer work…

​

I don't know if you like history but i do, In the picture below you are not only appropriating mexican culture but mocking it's history. You are dressed as a Adelita (Soldaderas) In the 1900's they were a feminist symbol in the revolution against Spain. They fought next to men  in ranks as high as commanding officers and they were a key elements in winning our independence against the monarchy of Spain. 

Let's rewind to when the French occupied Mexico
The French Intervention is the period when France invaded Mexico in 1861, it was a nominally to collect on defaulted loans to the liberal government of Benito Juárez, France was supported by Spain and England. 
France had other plans- They wanted to occupy Mexico and but it went further and at the invitation of Mexican conservatives seeking to restore monarchy in Mexico set Maximilian I on the Mexican throne.
The same people who supported the system of Canastas  that was establish by the Spanish elite, If you are not familiar is a slavery system that was to categorize people of color other then white in the 17th to 18th century.
It was not abolished till 1829 and Maximilian I wanted to reestablish the system.

Emperor Napoleon III of France was the instigator, justifying military intervention by claiming a broad foreign policy of commitment to free trade. For him, a friendly government in Mexico would ensure European access to Latin American markets. Napoleon also wanted the silver that could be mined in Mexico to finance his empire.
France had various interests in this Mexican affair, such as seeking reconciliation with Austria, which had been defeated during the Franco-Austrian War of 1859, counterbalancing the growing American Protestant power by developing a powerful Catholic neighboring empire, and exploiting the rich mines in the north-west of the country.

​After heavy guerrilla resistance led by Benito Juárez, which had never ceased to exist even after the capital had fallen in 1863, the French eventually withdrew from Mexico. The US was engaged in its own Civil War 1861,
 It did not attempt to block the foreign intervention. Abraham Lincoln consistently supported the Mexican liberals. At the end of the civil war in the US and the triumph of the Union forces, the US actively aided Mexican liberals against Maximilian's regime. France withdrew its support of Maximilian in 1867 and his monarchist rule collapsed in 1867 and Maximilian was executed.
 This all became a very famous day that americans drink in but we remember as The Battle of Puebla. 
Where there was Soldaderas fighting against the french. 

So, The Aztecs were one of the many Mesoamerican Civilizations that flourished for nearly 40 centuries, Their belief in the afterlife was that people do not cease to exist once they die instead, their soul carried on to the underworld.  Where "Lady of The Dead"  Goddess Mictecacihuatl, The aztecs believed that our deceased preferred to be celebrated, rather than mourned. The mictecacihuatl festival lasted for about a month in the old world and it was the 9th month on the Aztec calendar. 
In 1521 the spanish came and failed to understand Aztec tradition, Implementing the catholic religion upon the land but that was not very effective. Till They reached a compromise a blend per say - The shortening of the festival to two days that coincided with their own celebration "All Saints Day" and "All Souls Day" This was a key change in the Dia De Los Muertos. Aztec custom still prevailed but they still took a few centuries for these traditions to slowly warp to what we know today and what i learned as a child. Even then goddess found a new form in "La Catrina". ​
This holiday is used to celebrate our ancestors, our family and pay our respects to the traditions of our old civilization. We are not a costume- Do not insult my ancestors or my family like this. 

I can't belive both of you did not do your research on these acts, further the fact that you appropriate more then one culture. The fact that you don't see how offensive this is kinda just shows your privalage and your lack of  attention to world politics.

I added my sources on the bottom of the page... It was as simple as googling  
Hope you can learn something. 
Like, You know - Don't appropriate culture.

from This Mexican Immigrant 
​Bella Sin. 

Source Material - 
WikiPedia **
History of Mexico  
Soldadera
Battle of Puebla
Google ** 
Adelita Images 

Re/Dress also carries independent designers, The ship makes sure they bring fun prints and individual looks that are such a hit with many people. The fabulous costumer service just makes my heart flutter, A customer mention during their resent visit "I'm among my people" to her mother as she shopped with other curvy goddesses. I yet again had the pleasure of shopping their end of year sale this past Sunday, December 29th, 2013 - I was on a hunt and yes i found just what i wanted! 


To my lovely surprise they had, A Make Up Artist on hand, Alteration Professional, Hair Styling Guru and Fashion Advisors at anyones shopping disposal at no cost. Also a wonderful snack bar :) 
I started looking at everything and found a grey sweater dress perfect for Cleveland Weather, A vintage Green Scarf and a lovely boyfriend cardigan in a bluish grey. I got my hair braided and not to mention made new friends and saw some old. Again customer service at this store is amazing! The girls were ready and willing to help you with anything you may have had questions with and it was really hard not to take all the clothing off the rack and play dress up. 

I strongly suggest you pay this store a visit, Is worth your time and not to mention treating your self to something new and fun! :) <3 Trust me when i say being a fan from the moment i walked in you will not regret it :) 

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