Uneasy

I don't really know why am awake, Then again i would be lying if i said i did not really know... So much has happen in 5 months you would think i would be ok by now and everything would back to normal. I guess i could be thinking way to much about the last couple of months. But really how can i not... So many people lost to me and maybe am letting a lonely night get to me to much but i really don't know why right now my heart feels like a stack of bricks in my tummy. I miss home as in Mexico... Its time to travel back after loosing two people in a year its really time to just head down ... also this year... Nicole, Kiki and so many others just gone.. It seems so final to others but to me i know i will see them again. I really have been losing the living ... as in friends 2 in a short time.. I don't think i did anything wrong but then again knowing me... Court is coming up ... im a ball of nerves on that one.. Ugh... Thoughts.... thoughts... they dont leave me.. le sigh.